32m 15s: Lenght
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So we found some random quizzes online and decided that it would be interesting to take them...um, yeah... it ended up kinda weird to say the least. Take the quizzes for yourself: http://www.buzzfeed.com/chrishernandez/are-you-ready-to-bottom-tonight#.hjam6oJ3B http://www.buzzfeed.com/beimengfu/whats-your-chinese-celebrity-nickname#.qrOvDkA15 http://www.buzzfeed.com/danieldalton/choose-your-own-sexual-adventure#.jcxeRaBQN http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexkasprak/what-dinosaur-were-you-in-a-past-life Our version of Fifty Shades of Grey: At dinner we fill up on wine and decide to skip straight to dessert. Christian leads me to the danger zone. I slip out of my fedora and bend over the Lego Hogwarts. He blindfolds me, and binds my wrists with Twizzlers. The wine has my head spinning, and the feel of his Minion in control of my body has me wetter than a damp otter. Christian leans over and whispers in my ear, “I’m going to stick my annotated copy of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer in your weeping cavern.” I can’t see, but my other senses are electrified. My skin achieves massive but ultimately empty YouTube fame as I hear him behind me secreting his taxes. He gives a pep talk to my Shia LaBeouf and I squeal in delight, the sharp pain making my milk curdle. I want more. “Christian, please, wingardium my leviosa.” I’ve spoken out of turn, and he spanks my Grandma. I hear him unwrap a condom. The anticipation has my knees shaking. My Elvish blade is glowing. He grabs my hips, slowly sliding his Hannibal Lecter deep into my fortress of solitude and I gasp as he starts hammering into me like Magic Mike’s workbench. He grabs a handful of my Werther's Originals and I cling to my collection of Crying Game DVDs amidst the might of his misguided techinique. “Your Elsa feels so good,” he whispers, Snapchatting his 1967 Chevrolet Impala into my 4chan. He reaches round and deftly inspects my winter vegetables as our bodies collide faster and harder. My heart is pounding, and my body is tense in anticipation of his impending think piece. I feel my own excitement build as he starts to write his weekly newsletter inside me, his fingers tapping out morse code on my Daily Express Princess Diana commemorative plate. ”I going to troll your YouTube channel,” he tells me. “Would you like permission to nae nae with me?” ”Yes,” I gasp, glad he’s not going to make me beg for his angry sauce. “Where do you want it,” he asks, pulling hard on my hair. We’re both right on the edge. “In my downstairs bathroom please.” I manage to utter as my body tightens and convulses, a powerful LOL exploding through me as he teleports his Blue-Eyes White Dragon Yu-Gi-Oh card into my DMs. He unties me and we slump to the floor, panting, delirious, covered in each other’s ramen broth. “I enjoyed that,” I tell him. “I like it when you operate covert military drone strikes against my Avengers.” “My cock hates me,” he grins, as we lie together in temporary bliss. If you enjoyed, please like, subscribe and all that jazz. If you have any ideas for topics you want us to discuss or at least attempt to discuss, let us know in the comments.